


Heads I'm Yours, Tails You're Mine

by BardofHeartDive, bioticfox (ayambik)



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Coin of Fate, Disagreements and Making Up, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Interrogation, M/M, Mention of torture, Soulmates, Two People One Bed, Undercover Missions, Undercover as a Couple, Valentine's Day, red sand, steak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-17 17:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13663677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardofHeartDive/pseuds/BardofHeartDive, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayambik/pseuds/bioticfox
Summary: Written for VorchaGirl and BlueTeaParty's Leather and Lace Romance Week on tumblr. One romance trope for each day of the week. We figured why write seven fics for one trope each when you can write one fic for all seven?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for VorchaGirl and BlueTeaParty's Leather and Lace Romance Week on tumblr. One romance trope for each day of the week. We figured why write seven fics for one trope each when you can write one fic for all seven?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trope: Two People, One Bed

While Alenko swept the apartment for bugs, James took it upon himself to get them settled. Unpacking their own surveillance equipment took a matter of minutes - given James’s technical ability he had been instructed in no uncertain terms to take it out of the cases and nothing more.  _ Kaidan _ would have to actually set it up. James scrubbed the back of his neck as he unpacked the last box. Kaidan continued to scan the room, the orange glow highlighting every nook and cranny.

“Anything I can do to help?”

Kaidan frowned down at the gear strewn on the floor. They’d been given various wires and devices, a tripod, microphones, recorders, headsets, translators, and an assortment of expensive looking items James didn’t have a clue what to call. Based on the sheer quantity of equipment, it would take hours to get everything set up. There had to be something he could do.

“Snacks?” Kaidan said, after a moment’s deliberation. James snorted and turned on his heel, leaving Kaidan to rummage through the apparatus.

 

\---

 

Three bags of pretzels, a protein bar, and half a tin of peanuts later, Kaidan heaved a sigh and stepped back from the desk.

“That does it,” he said, stretching his neck from side to side. “We should hit the sack; it’s going to be an early morning.”

Vega popped the last pretzel into his mouth and licked the salt off his fingers, then said, “There’s only one bed.”

“I’ll take the couch,” Kaidan said with a shrug.

“Pretty sure the ranking officer is supposed to get the bed.”

“That couch is a lumpy death trap. Pulling rank to avoid it would be cowardice under fire and conduct unbecoming.” He fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a coin. “Flip you for it.”

“Heads,” James called once the coin was in the air. 

Kaidan glanced up at him and, in that brief second, the coin fell and rolled across the floor. It made a clunk as it collided with the wooden floor boards, and another when it slipped through the cracks. They both stared at the spot where it had disappeared then, at the same time, started laughing. 

“I guess we could share it,” James suggested. 

“Fine with me,” Kaidan answered. “I’m going to hit the shower. Don’t wait up.”

James nodded and retreated to the bedroom. He heard the water turn on as he pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and climbed into the bed, snuggling down under the covers. The duvet was warm and the pillows were soft - absolute heaven compared to the cots in the barracks - and James was asleep before Kaidan joined him.

 

\---

 

James woke up with his face buried in the crook of Kaidan’s neck. To his relief, the major was still sound asleep, his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. For a minute he was afraid to move, afraid to breathe, lest he wake the older man. Then he realized that the only thing worse than being caught sleeping on him would be lingering while he was awake. 

Slowly, carefully he rolled off the bed. Kaidan’s breath hitched and he stirred a little, turning his head toward the place where Vega had been. James froze, watching the man on the bed, hoping he wouldn’t wake up. Luck was on his side today; Kaidan shifted again, then relaxed, sound asleep.

Anyone who had ever laid eyes on Alenko could see that he was an attractive man. Having served in very close quarters with him, James knew this better than most. But nothing he’d seen on the Normandy came close to the way Kaidan looked right then. His physical features were the same - high cheekbones, full mouth, body a marine a decade younger would envy - but sleeping there was a peacefulness to him that was… well, honestly, beautiful.

James shook his head. This was worse than lingering while awake. He collected a change of clothes and headed for the shower.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trope: Fake Relationship/Engagements/Marriage

There was a pot of coffee and plate of French toast and bacon waiting on the counter when James, freshly showered and dressed, made it into the kitchen. Kaidan’s plate was washed and sitting in the drying rack, the man himself was sipping a cup of coffee while looking over a print out from one of the many machines. James dropped into the chair next to him and immediately began shovelling the food into his mouth. Kaidan looked from the fork, to James’ plate, and back again, eyebrows raised and a smile on his face.

“Nothing exciting next door,” Alenko said, “but I got a message from Shepard. Apparently Liara found some new intel. They should be calling back with the details in the next hour so. Oh, and you forgot something.”

He tossed a small plastic bag across the table. James emptied its contents, a plain gold band, into his hand.

“Apparently the building has very strict tenant policy,” Kaidan continued. “Singles and married couples only. No kids, roommates, no pets.”

“I was hoping for an emerald, you know,” Vega teased, sliding it the ring finger of his left hand. “At least a decent proposal.”

Kaidan snorted. “I’ll take it under advisement.”

 

\---

 

An incoming vidcall interrupted their research into the processing of red sand. Kaidan finished up a final note on his datapad while James answered the call. Shepard came into view with Liara at her side.

“Sitrep, Major?” the commander asked, getting right to business.

“We’re set up in the apartment,” Kaidan answered. “Naples left her apartment at 0845 local time. No activity since then.”

“That fits with her work schedule,” Shepard said, nodding. “We’ve hacked the traffic cam across the street from the restaurant. The feed shows her entering the building just after 0900.

“We’ll make our approach when she returns this afternoon,” Alenko continued. “Unless this new intel changes the plans?”

“On the contrary,” said Liara. “Our recordings have picked up three interesting conversations. Nothing yet on what they are cutting the red sand with to make it so lethal. We’re still working on breaking the code but from what we’ve managed to decipher it appears Naples is much higher in the organisation than we initially suspected. We’ll continue to analyse the transcripts but we want you to focus on her specifically, not the ring as a whole. Get close and see what you can find.”

“Roger that.”

“Right then, we’ll leave you to it. Good luck, Major Alenko,” Shepard said. She kept a straight face but her eyes twinkled as she added, “And, Lieutenant Alenko, I suppose.”

Liara chuckled at the joke, placing a quick peck on her bondmate’s cheek. Kaidan sat stoney faced, just a barely rolling his eyes. James glanced to the band on his finger, twirling it around a few times with his thumb.

“And who says I’m taking his name, huh Lola?” he asked with a grin. “How come it’s not the other way around?”

Shepard and Liara burst into giggles and the commander cut the line without answer.

 

\---

 

A meticulous plan formed for them to ‘bump into’ their neighbour.

At 1400, James went out for a run.

At 1408, the office security feed showed Gillian Naples leaving Freda’s Steakhouse and Bar to get changed before the dinner rush and Kaidan called him back.

At 1424, Kaidan greeted his ‘husband’ at the door, lingering until they ‘eventually noticed’ their neighbour and politely introduced themselves as Kaidan and James Olsen.

At 1426, the three of them were sitting in the Olsen’s living room, having coffee and getting to know each other. Just as planned.

“We just moved in yesterday,” Kaidan said. He was next to James on the couch, leaning against the lieutenant with his hand resting on his knee. “We don’t really know the area.”

“If you knew any places,” James adding, picking up where he left off. “Shops, restaurants, things to do - we’d love some suggestions.”

“Well, my family actually own a steakhouse downtown,” Naples said. “It’s the best.”

“We’ll have to check it out,” Kaidan said.

James laughed and leaned toward Gillian conspiratorially. “I’m pretty sure he would have married a steak sandwich if I hadn’t asked him first.”

“We’ve got a great special going on tomorrow for Valentine’s Day,” she continued. “You should come by.”

“Sounds good to me,” James said. “What do you think, _cariño_?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Kaidan agreed. “We’ll do that.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trope: Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of overdose

The interior of Freda's Steakhouse was decorated in a traditional turn-of-the-century Earth style. Kaidan sat in a plush red booth up against a wall filled with photos. Upon closer inspection Kaidan could see that the person in one of the more modern photos had the nose of the man in the one before, and the woman in that looked an awful lot like the little girl in the photo dated 40 years earlier. This place must have been here for generations.

“What can I get for you gentlemen?” The waitress came and cut through Kaidan's observations. He hadn't even looked at the menu. 

“We’ll have the Valentine's Special,” James said, handing the menus back over to her. She smiled politely, refilled their waters, and tottered off in the direction of the kitchen.

“What’s the… erm-” 

“Pan-seared ribeye, shallot and red wine sauce, served with roast potatoes and a spring greens salad, and caramelized pear and chocolate tart for dessert. Comes with a glass of red wine each, too.”

“That… sounds good.” Kaidan chuckled, shaking his head a little. “Really good.”

James smirked at him and reached across the table, placing his hand over Kaidan's. “You don't think I know what my husband likes?”

Kaidan rolled his eyes, but grinned nonetheless. James winked, prompting another eye roll.

“I think I’ll go wash up before the salads get here,” Alenko said, using their code to let James know he was going to snoop.

James nodded and watched, eagle eyed, as Kaidan walked away.

 

\---

 

They were waiting for their desserts, slowly sipping wine in the candlelight, when Gillian approached their table with an older woman. Kaidan recognised her as Leona Naples from Gillian’s dossier but even without the file he could have guessed she was the younger woman’s grandmother by the similarities in their facial features.

“Ah, such a lovely couple,” said Leona. “I hope you are enjoying your dinner?”

“Very much.” Kaidan raised his glass to the two women and nodded to Gillian. “Thank you for the recommendation, Gillian.”

“You know my Gilly?” 

“They’re the new neighbours I was telling you about, Grandma,” she said. “They took Kian and Bain’s place, 3A.”

“Troublemakers, the both of them,” the elder Naples scrunched up her face, as if she had been personally insulted. “Glad to see the back of them. That apartment was empty for a while, good that it’s finally been filled. And you look like such lovely gentlemen, too. You’re welcome here anytime. I’ve got a steak sandwich on the menu every Thursday; Gillian says you’re a fan.”

The two women excused themselves after Kaidan and James assured Leona they would indeed be stopping by on a Thursday sometime in the very near future. James suspected that if the mission went on long enough, it wouldn’t even be a lie. Even after such a large dinner, Kaidan’s ears perked up at the mere mention of the sandwich.

“James?”

Vega blinked. “Sorry. What?”

“You were staring.” The wine must have been getting to the major; his eyes were bright and there was a slight flush to his cheeks. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “Everything’s great.”

 

\---

 

James turned his back to Kaidan while he pulled his shirt over his head and changed into his pajama pants. Kaidan was in bed already but running through several documents on a datapad. Vega joined him, leaving a respectable space between them.

“You didn’t find anything?”

“Nothing,” Alenko answered.

He offered the pad to James but the lieutenant just shook his head. If Kaidan said there wasn’t anything there, James certainly wouldn’t find anything. When he didn’t take it, the major put it on the nightstand.

“I got their com-lines bugged but it’s all been reservations and pick-up orders. Nothing odd in the extranet traffic. I even managed to slice into the credit processing system but so far everything’s come back clean.”

“And Doc’s sure the restaurant’s involved?”

“No,” Kaidan admitted. “But Naples practically lives there, so even if it’s not connected to the dirty sand, we need to at least keep tabs on it.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’re missing something.”

“I still think our best bet is to work on getting closer to her directly. I just don't know how.”

“Yeah. Me either.”

“We’ll take another run at it in the morning,” James said, trying to sound encouraging. He switched the light off on his side and added, “For now, the best thing we can do is sleep. Be ready to start fresh then.”

“There was another cluster of overdoses this afternoon.” Kaidan’s voice was soft and low in the dark. It could almost have been intimate if the words hadn’t been so grim. “We need to figure it out.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tropeless chapter (sorry, this one’s just for plot purposes!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of torture

The apartment was empty when James got up. It wasn’t really surprising; Alenko was almost always up before him and often ran errands or went for a run if he was having a bad morning. No matter how many times he insisted Kaidan wake him up, the major never did. He sighed and threw his pajamas into the hamper, making a note to start a load after his shower. Kaidan had said something about being almost out of clean socks yesterday.

He lingered in the shower after washing up, letting the hot water run over him, hoping it would help him think. They’d been at the apartment for two weeks now and the investigation had stalled. Every attempt to get ears in Naples’ apartment had failed, Liara’s leads to the drug ring had fallen through, and red sand in question had been tracked to four more colonies. Fatalities had reached 39 yesterday with 57 hospitalizations total.

Kaidan was running himself ragged trying to get to the bottom of it. He’d checked and rechecked every machine, coded and recoded every program, read and reread every report. There was a reason he was always awake before James and, as much as he appreciated the extra sleep, he really wished Alenko would let him help however he could. He didn’t have the major’s technical knowledge or experience but surely there was something he could do more helpful than sleeping.  

Kaidan was still gone when he got out of the shower so it must have been a really bad morning. He sent him a message to check in then went to start to the laundry.

 

\---

 

Once the laundry was in the dryer and the dishwasher was running, Vega started picking through Kaidan’s notes, hoping to start wherever he left off. It wasn’t hard to figure out what had set him off: another overdose that morning and, to add insult to injury, the victim had died in a hospital three blocks from the apartment. Kaidan had requested a copy of the autopsy but based on the time-stamp it had arrived while James was in the shower.

Most of it was what James expected. Like the other victims, the condition of the body suggested the man was a long-time redsand user. Unlike the others, however, his criminal record indicated he also sold the drug. He also had several old injuries. Aside from their number, they were mostly unremarkable, though a few of the bruises seemed to have a pattern to them.

James zoomed in on the image. There was indeed a pattern, a familiar one, and he was willing to bet his shoreleave that it matched the ring Gillian Naples wore on her right index finger. That would be enough to tie her to the body, the redsand, and the other overdoses.

He started to type out a message to Alenko, detailing what he’d found, when something else in the report caught his eye. The body also had several tunneling wounds in large muscle groups that the doctor hadn’t been able to identify. James, however, had seen similar injuries on tortured hostages rescued from batarian slave camps. This kind of torture was methodical, thorough, and slow.

Kaidan had been gone a long time.

He deleted what he’d written and sent their urgent code instead. Operatives in the field were required to respond to their assigned phrase immediately.

A thought crossed his mind unwelcomed: _If they were able._

  
\--- 

  
Half an hour later Kaidan still hadn’t responded and James was starting to panic. The major was too by-the-books not to answer an urgent message. He checked his pistol and slid it into its holster, then called Shepard, skipping the pleasantries when she picked up.  


“Lola, I need you to ping Alenko. His panic line.”  
  
“Everything alright?”  
  
_I hope so,_ he thought, pulling a jacket on to hide his pistol and holster. Out loud he ran her through the sitrep, ending with, “He’s not answering the urgent code.”  
  
“Stand by,” Shepard said. “Running it now.”  
  
He heard it ring through his comm as he locked the apartment door, followed immediately by a chirp in the hall. He stopped dead.  
  
“He’s in Naples’ apartment,” James whispered, pulling his gun and positioning himself against the wall to the left of the door. “Request permission to - ”  
  
“It’s James,” Kaidan’s voice said on the other side. Something tight in James’ chest relaxed at the sound of his voice. “I should answer this.” A pause and then. “Damnit. I missed him twice.”  
  
“Yeah,” Naples said. “The reception can be kind of spotty here.”  
  
The omni stopped ringing then James heard in stereo. “Hey, babe.”  
  
“Major Alenko, are you compromised?”  
  
“No, sorry,” Kaidan answered, so casually James would have believed he was talking his husband if he hadn’t known otherwise. “I’ll be home soon.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trope: Disagreements and Making up

The front door clicked open as James added carrot slices to the small mountain of chopped vegetables in the pot. He didn't know what he was cooking, but the rhythm of the knife helped quieten the worried buzz in his mind. 

“We got a break!” Kaidan announced, closing the door behind him. “Shepard called when I was in Gillian’s apartment and I think we can use a back-scan to get access. It might take a while but… ” He trailed off as he came to a stop in the kitchen doorway, noticing the tension in James’ shoulders and the down set of his mouth. “What’s wrong?”

James drove the knife through the carrot and into the cutting board but all he said was, “I was worried about you.”

“I was fine. I ran into Gillian and she invited me for coffee, said I looked like I was having a bad day.”

“You didn’t answer your urgent code, Blue. Anything could’ve been happening, and I wouldn’t have any idea where you were.”

“I didn’t get it. She said she has trouble with reception there sometimes. Shepard’s call only connected because she used a Spectre-only frequency.” Kaidan sighed  “It got us a lead; what was I supposed to do?”

James slammed the knife down on the board, scattering carrot slices everywhere. “Tell me! Let me know what the hell is going on! I am your partner and I will back your play but you’ve got to let me in on it! You could’ve been killed, or worse.”

“I was right next door. That seems a little extreme.”

“Is it?” he asked, tossing the datapad with his findings in Kaidan’s direction. “My turn for a run.”

He turned to leave, his half chopped carrot still on the counter.

 

\---

 

Hitting the weights was James’ preferred way to deal with stress and frustration, but running a fast clip through the streets did the job just as well. He’d never reacted like this before on mission, not under fire, not following orders, nothing, and he was glad to get out of his head for a short while, just focusing on the beat of his run.

He’d been so worried that Kaidan was in over his head, despite knowing the Major could more than handle any trouble. The sun beat down on his back and the rhythm of each step soothed his irritation, cooling his head even as he worked up a sweat, bringing clarity. He snorted as a thought popped into his head. The last time he’d reacted similarly was when he’d been worried about a crush -

Oh.

His pace suffered a little as he stumbled, tripping over his own feet. These last few weeks living with Kaidan, being in a relationship with Kaidan, had been pretty amazing despite the circumstances, and it seemed like his heart hadn’t received the memo about it all being for show.

And he was a big enough man to admit that maybe, just maybe, some of his personal feelings had bled into his professional ones. He rounded the upcoming corner and set a course to lead him back to the apartment.

 

\---

 

Kaidan was reading when James got back, not the datapad he had given him though it was nearby for reference. He looked up when the door opened and it struck James how tired he looked. Weary. And even though there were still flickers of irritation from the fight, more than anything James wanted to wrap his arms around him and tell him everything was going to be okay. That probably wouldn’t be the most professional course of action, though, so he hung back by the door. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hey.” Kaidan managed a thin smile, “I made soup. Vegetable. How was your run?”

_ Enlightening, _ he thought but out loud he answered, “Good.”

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan continued, “I thought I’d be back before you woke up and then she approached me and I couldn’t miss that opportunity. But, you’re right, I should have told you. And you had every right to be worried.” He tapped the datapad with the autopsy report. “This is bad stuff.”

“Yeah.” James sighed and made his way to the couch next to him. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have blown up like that. I just… listen, I should probably get this out in the open now - ”

The front door slammed open and bright flash seared their vision. A concussive blast knocked the wind out of them, disorienting them, and three men entered the flat, all heavily armoured, with assault rifles at the ready. They pulled them off the couch and wrestled them to the ground. A woman followed in their wake.

“Well, well,” said Gillian Naples, bringing out two sets of handcuffs. “Someone thought they could get the better of us, huh?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trope: Trapped Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Interrogation

“James.”

The aching pain in his shoulders had drawn him to semi-consciousness, but it was the urgency in Kaidan’s voice that actually did the trick. He groaned, shaking his head a little, and heard Kaidan sigh in relief.

“Oh, thank god. Are you okay?”

Okay wasn’t the word. His mouth was as dry as Esteban's attempts at cooking, and the shoulder pain only worsened when he tried to move and was pulled up short, wrists handcuffed behind him and ankles securely bound to the legs of his chair. The dingy room swam into view, and with the footprints in the thick layer of dust and the rusted tools in the corner, he'd place all his money on "abandoned garage".

“Could be better,” he answered, tugging on his restraints. “You?”

“I’ve had better days.” James couldn’t help but laugh at Kaidan’s dry sarcasm. Craning his neck behind him, he could see Kaidan tied to his own chair, facing away from him. The cuffs on Kaidan’s hands looked bulkier with lines of electronics running through them.

“Could be worse, Blue. At least it’s warm. Dry. Not full of varren.”

Kaidan snorted but James just caught the corner of his smile.

“Company's not so bad either,” James added and even he could hear how his voice softened at the words.

“Yeah, okay,” Kaidan agreed. “Could be worse.”

And then, as if to prove the point, the door opened and Gillian marched in. Three goons rough handled James to standing and into an office off to the side. Lounging behind the large desk was Leona Naples.

 

\---

 

“Mr. Olsen,” Leona said. The friendly owner of Freda's was gone, replaced by a cold-blooded kingpin. “I think you and I should have a friendly chat.”

“A chat, huh?”

He scanned the desk, hoping to find something useful. It struck him that there was nothing electronic in sight. Everything was traditional: bound ledgers, file folders, physical paper marked in inkpen and held together with little metal clips. No wonder it had been so hard to get a break in the case.

“Very few people could make a call go through the signal dampening in Gillian’s apartment. But you did.” 

“I don’t know what you’re-”

“Don't play coy, James.” Leona motioned toward Gillian, who stepped into view, her fingers flexing around her pistol. Her ring caught the light, a bright reflection that vividly reminded James of the bruises on the victims. And the torture they’d endured. “I would hate for my Gilly to have to… extract the information from your handsome husband.”

“Don’t you touch him!”

James charged toward Leona but Gillian caught him, shoving him onto the desk before he reached her. He struggled, knocking office supplies around and onto the floor, until the butt of Gillian’s gun hit the back of his head. He saw stars and crumpled to the floor. She gave him a sharp kick in the ribs for good measure.

“Mr. Olsen, here’s what will happen.” Leona continued. “You will tell us who you really are and why you are interfering with _my_ business. In return, my granddaughter doesn’t put a bullet in your husband’s head.”

 

\---

 

James gave his best impression of cooperating for the interrogation. Lying and telling her what she wanted to hear kept the beatings minimal and he made it out with only a weeping cut on his forehead, a black eye, and a bust lip. 

“I’m OK, Blue,” he reassured Kaidan when he was back in their holding room. “Though I’d appreciate if we could leave before Gillian gets the batarian coilers ready.”

Kaidan’s eyes took in every injury with a mix of rage and remorse that made James’ chest ache more than his ribs but only said, “I’m open to ideas.”

“Give me five minutes to get these handcuffs off. We’ll go from there.” James smirked at Kaidan’s raised eyebrow. “Did you think all that noise was for nothing?”

Hands behind him, James straightened the paper-clips stolen in the scuffle. It had been a while since he'd picked cuffs he was wearing but after a few attempts they fell open. He untied his legs then made short work of freeing Kaidan.

“I only saw two on the way back but there were four this morning.” He headed to the door, indicating three places along the edge. “The door’s padlocked from the outside.”

"I’ve got it," Kaidan said.

A blue aura swirled around him and he made a now-familiar gesture. The center of the door bulged outward and flew forward. Two distinct screams cut off as it slammed against the opposite wall. A third man half stood and James bull-rushed him, quickly incapacitating him.

“Everything we need for the case is in the office,” James said. “This way.”


End file.
